When one partner goes outside the relationship for emotional or physical needs, the other partner may end the relationship, or forgive and stay in it, but either ways, extra-marital affairs have major negative effects that take a long while to be forgiven and forgotten (if possible).
Damage to Self Esteem:
The person who has been cheated on will suffer a blow to his or her self-esteem. He/she may have the usual thoughts of, “Was I not good enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go this would not have happened.” This is likely to get the person to rethink about the whole relationship; whether it is worthwhile or ephemeral.
Lack of Trust:
The victim of an affair will find it difficult to trust again. He or she may doubt the judgment of others. Even if this relationship ends, and another begins, the baggage of infidelity can follow. It is important to deal with your trust issues, even if it means getting professional help to do so. You and your future partner will be grateful in the long run that you dealt with the negative consequences of the affair.
Sense of Instability:
You may feel your world has turned upside down. The things in your life that gave you a sense of security have been shattered. It is important to find that sense of stability inside yourself. Look at your survival skills from the past and realize you can cope with this too.
Roller – Coaster of Emotions:
One minute you may feel like crying; the next minute you may want to scream. You may blame your partner, the accompanist or even end up blaming yourself. It is common when facing infidelity to feel a multitude of emotions. Realize this is normal. Feel what you are feeling and walk through it. Seek outside help if you need someone to talk to about how you are feeling.
The Ripple Effect:
Extra-marital affairs can cause a ripple effect in your life. You may find yourself looking differently at your job, your friends, and your life choices. This can be either positive or negative, but most victims of an affair say that it brought on changes in all other areas of their lives. It’s important that you do not make changes to major areas of your life while in the midst of the emotional confusion.
This refers to things to do in order to prevent yourself or your partner from engaging in extra marital affair.
1. Establish trust and commitment to each other in the relationship.
2. Control your lust and help your partner control his/hers.
3. Avoid unnecessary nagging (complaining & ingratitude).
4. Be content with what you have.
5. Never let your communications fade; spend more time chatting and sharing ideas on issues together.
6. Continue to keep a proper hygiene of yourself and your surrounding and keep yourself attractive for yourself and your partner.
7. Satisfy each other sexually and more often. Do not deny your partner sex.
Solutions to the Possible Causes:
If you are into extra marital affair or your partner is into it already, there is still a way to salvage the situation.
1. Seek counsel from a resourced person on how to go about it; that is, how to quit from the external marital affair.
2. Think about the consequences of such affairs and advice yourself.
3. Re-structure yourself on what you did to drive your partner or yourself into it and rescind your decision.
4. Talk to your partner about it, apologize to him/her and ask for his/her help in quitting or stopping it.
5. Pray for yourself and your partner for the Lord’s assistance in preventing/stopping the situation.
The Positive Side of Extra Marital Affair
Of course, there have to be positive points to having an affair lest nobody would be doing it. It is often to fill voids that their current relationship doesn’t fill; boredom; loneliness; naturally wondering eyes; and many other reasons. When someone feels something missing in their relationship, even if emotionally or physically, they will often want to complete the circle, make themselves feel fully satisfied with another person. Such relationships can help maintain high self-esteem boosting or bring sexual relief, or may even grow into a valued, caring relationship that continues for many years.
Human beings excel in an atmosphere of competition. If there is no competition, partners will not work hard to maintain their relationship or marriage, because there is no challenge to their relationship. A keen observation of most marriages brings to light the fact that the urge the partners had to keep themselves and their relationship attractive is fading. This is due to lack of competition. Let us use the true stories below to derive the positive aspect of extra marital affair.
Story 1: (name withheld), age- 38: “My husband only thinks about himself when it comes to sex. We have done it probably twice in the last year, both times have been disappointing for me but fine for him. My lover cares about my sexual needs and we can even talk for hours about anything. He has become both a friend and a lover. It’s fantastic! We’re both happy staying in each other’s side lives too – no complications, no arguments and over ten years now.”
Story 2: (name withheld), age- 30: “Sex with my lover is amazing. She doesn’t consider sex as a chore or make me feel I’m an interruption in her life, like my wife. We have wild sex and we both know that’s all we both want in the relationship! We’re both married but both lacking something which we find in each other.”
Every relationship is different and every affair is unique. Everybody has different needs they want to fulfil when it comes to affairs and in the end you need to weigh up the pros and cons of your own situation to decide on whether it’s worth taking the step into having an extramarital relationship. You are the only person who has the final say on how far the temptations go. Not every person in the same situation will have the same outcome, so remember you need to be the one to judge what you want to do. But for me, I will advise you to stick to your wife/husband alone.
Question: Do you know the biggest reason why your partner cheats?
Answer: There is always someone out there willing to cheat with your partner.
Facebook: Counsellor Effah Werehene