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Can A Woman Marry A Man 20 Years Older Than Her And Still Be Happy?

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Marriage is a partnership. Partners in marriage needs to agree on a lot of issues to ensure harmony in the marriage. Some people say age is just a number but often lack the basis for saying this or has no justification. Age is not just a number; it becomes just a number depending on individual differences (Body Structure and Mental Maturity). For instance, someone might be 45 years but smallish in structure whereas another person might be 25 years but thick and tall in structure. When these two happen to marry, it will be difficult to ascertain who is older. Most likely, the one who is thick and tall in structure will be termed older. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

In terms of age difference between partners in marriage; our recommendation as Counsellors is that, the man can be equal in age, or a maximum of four (4) years least in age of the woman. If the man will be older than the woman, it shouldn’t be more than ten (10) years. In whichever the case, other than our recommendation above, comes with its consequences of which we are going to look at.

Disadvantages in Marrying a Man 20 years older than you

  1. Decision-making:

When you read Amos 3:3….the Bible talks of agreement between two people before they can walk together. Marriage being a partnership, requires couples to discuss and decide together on issues concerning their life, marriage and the family as a whole. Naturally, it is difficult to discuss and take a decision with someone you are well off advanced in age. This is because, we see these people as minors or our younger siblings. Therefore when you come to a marriage of which the man is 20 years older than the woman, the man finds it difficult or uncomfortable to take decisions together or implement the decision of his woman. It seem like he is not matured or capable enough to take decisions and has to always fall on the woman.

  1. Sex Drive:

When we talk of sex drive, we are referring to the sexual activeness of a person and the frequency of having sex within some particular time period. Men’s sexual activeness normally increases from age 20 to 65 years and that of women starts from age 17 to 55 years. So imagine if the man is 66 years and the woman is 46 years; the man’s sexual activeness will be diminishing whereas the woman will be at her peak at the 46 years age. That’s where some women of that age tend to even have sex with younger men and even pay them, if their sexual desire is not met by their men. Some women will not go out but disturb the man with sexual demands because she is at her peak and needs a lot of sex to satisfy her desires. So the idea of marrying a woman you are older than, as a man by ten (10) years implies that by the time you are 65, she will be 55 years and will be at par with sexual desire.  Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

  1. Support in Chores:

Partners who are of the same age and truly loves each other, often support each other physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc than those with huge age difference; who may see themselves apart or disconnected physically, emotionally, psychologically or socially. A woman who is 20 years younger than a man, can serve him better, unlike the man who may think he is working or serving her daughter and may feel uncomfortable to do it; most especially if the lady does not show appreciation for the support rendered to her by the man.

  1. Societal Reaction:

The perception of the society regarding to the age difference in marriage is also a factor to consider. The society sees the man as a high-libido person that’s why he didn’t marry a woman closed to his age. The woman is also seen as a gold-digger and wants to take advantage of the man’s wealth that’s why she has married a man of such age difference. As such, it becomes very difficult or uncomfortable for partners in this situation to enjoy their marriage; unless they decide to ignore the perception of the society regarding their relationship. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

  1. Discomfort in Flirting Together:

Partners in this kind of relationship may often have discomfort flirting in town together or attending functions as married couples. Just as the society may conclude that the woman is the man’s daughter; they may also think and conclude that man is the father to the woman. This makes it difficult for both partners to walk in town holding their hands or go to couple functions together. Although some partners will ignore this; most of them feel shy to do so, even if no one is talking about it. As such, they might be happy at home as couples but unhappy outside their marital home.

Conclusion:

Can a woman marry a man of 20 years older than her and still be happy? The answer is 30% YES and 70% NO.  I had an interview session with some female singles and they said as long as there is enough money, they will be happy. So I asked them; will you be happy with the money without attention?, attention without money?, money and attention without mutual love and emotional connectivity? They couldn’t talk again. Happiness in marriage is not reliant on one factor; a lot of factors such as Attention, Money, Respect, Emotional connectivity, Mutual love, etc add up to make someone happy in marriage. Therefore in conclusion, a woman is not likely to be happy when she marries a man who is 20 years older than her because of the factors explained above. I used the word “not likely” because a percentage of some people can be happy in this kind of marriage depending on how they carry themselves in the marriage; whiles majority will never be happy in this kind of relationship or marriage. I, as a Counsellor won’t advise you to risk your life in this kind of marriage unless you are ready for whatever consequences that comes with it.

Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

By: Counsellor Benjamin Effah Werehene

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