“Sometimes certain people tell me, ‘I have this feeling in my gut that something’s not right,’ It’s a good barometer, If you think something just doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth bringing it out in the open. It could lead to a discovery about your partner’s feelings for someone else.
Also, if you feel a need to snoop around, there’s a good chance your relationship has trust problems. Try to get to the cause of the distrust, and hold off on the detective work.
Now – How to Get Past It
As much heartache and headache as it may cause, couples can survive one partner being stuck on a previous failed relationship. But the longer you wait to speak up, the more likely you’ll be to resent the situation.
Start the dialogue with your hung-up honey with a “working together” approach instead of pushing the other person away with angry words. Use phrases like, “I need your help,” and, “I need your reassurance,” and, “I love you and want to work with you on this,” to get the ball rolling.
If you’re having problems addressing the issue but really feel it’s worth working on, it may be time to seek help from a couple’s therapist.
Jealousy: A Word of Caution
If you want to keep a healthy relationship with the love of your life, be careful about prematurely jumping on the jealousy train and making quick accusations.
Short of a greater context, there’s no reason to hound your partner with a “how dare you” attitude at every little suspicion. Extreme jealousy is worse than having lingering feelings about someone else, often a hang-up is just feelings. But constantly being on the lookout for bad things, that tends to be a deeper problem of trust.
