I was recently speaking to a woman who’s the CEO of a large marketing firm, owns a restaurant, is in great shape, and has two loving kids…

Yet — cannot find a man who wants to be her equal partner.

I think men often look at women like this and become confused about where they can add value to her life. We have been (falsely) conditioned to think that our worth comes from our ability to “provide” and if she doesn’t “need” us then…well, she doesn’t need us.

The truth is this: No matter how much a woman makes, how well educated she is, or how well-established her life is — you can add value by being a partner, a friend, a lover, and a teammate in her life.

NONE of those things have anything to do with how much money you have (or don’t have).

It does, however, have to do with harnessing the 10 qualities listed below and showing up as your full, authentic self.

1: You have your own ambitions.

A woman cannot plan a future with a man who hasn’t planned a future for himself.

Imagine the divide between a couple where one person is striving for their own version of success and greatness, while the other shies away from hard work, is lazy, unmotivated, and entitled…

Unfortunately, these combinations do meet sometimes, and the relationship trudges through the mud until it finally, eventually, disintegrates into nothing. How, after all, could it not?

A woman who, quite simply, has her shit together is going to be looking for a guy who can match her level of drive and ambition.

If that’s not the life you want to live — there’s nothing wrong with that. There is no obligation to be anything other than what you really are, but the key is to find someone who matches you in those ways. That is where real happiness lies.

2: You are a strong communicator.

We all know that healthy communication in a relationship is a key piece to making it work, but this truth is magnified when you’re with someone who is proficient translating their own thoughts and feelings into words.

Odds are, she can also be very direct.

This is a good thing if you are able to match her level of communication and express yourself effectively. Also, active listening and paying close attention to her wants, needs, and desires (and then acting on them) will show that you can listen just as well as you speak.

3: You’ll still step up and “be the man” in the relationship.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll put it right here again:

Just because a woman may be in charge from 9–5 on Monday through Friday, doesn’t mean she wants the same responsibilities in a relationship. At the end of the day, many women still appreciate a man who is the man, and will make plans for them on date night. A man who still romances her. A man who is chivalrous and respectful. A man who understands that a woman can be independent and should still be treated as a lady.

4: You live your life with integrity.

I believe at the end end of the day, living a life of honor and integrity is something that gives us each a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

I also think it’s a highly attractive trait to choose for yourself.

5: You are secure in yourself.

Before Rachel and I met, she was a successful entrepreneur with two businesses, raising two kids by herself, and doing it all in stride.

Anyone who’s ever been a parent and/or an entrepreneur knows that both are full time jobs in themselves. Let alone doing both at once.

Imagine if I were insecure or unsure of myself trying to court/woo/win over/impress a woman like that…

At one point in my life, this would have been the case, which is why timing is so important as well.

In order to step up and merge your life with someone else’s well constructed life requires you to be on the same level or at least of the same mindset that is able to create it.

Otherwise, you’ll be left frustrated, wanting, or maybe even — left behind.

Let me also say this doesn’t provide an excuse for someone to disregard the feelings of their partner in a relationship. I have hundreds of articles about why mutual affection and appreciation is so important.

6: You’re supportive.

A telltale sign of your own self-worth and security is whether you encourage her to push further and excel, or find ways to discourage or hold her back.

If she has been used to doing her own thing, crushing her own goals, and running her own life, the last thing she will tolerate is bringing someone into it that will be an anchor on her ambition.

7: You are honest and direct — and kind about it.

I have been coaching ambitious and successful men and women for over 10 years, and one of the things they appreciate most is someone who cuts the shit and tells them like it is.

Of course, this doesn’t mean being harsh and rude. It simply means you have enough respect for someone to be honest with them.

If you can master this balance, it will help to build a strong foundation of trust and respect in your relationship.

8: You can share the spotlight.

If you always need to be the center of attention, dating someone who gets some too is going to cause friction.

If she’s well-established in her career, has a large following, commands attention when she walks into a room, or simply does not like taking a back seat — you’ll need to share the spotlight.

That’s a good thing, because it means you can both shine together.

All of these things have one thing in common: The other partner having to hang back and not take a “leadership” role — oh, and to be genuinely comfortable with it without causing a scene.

Conversely this also means that the other partner in the relationship (you) will have times when you’re in the driver’s seat as well. You must be equally as comfortable and competent at taking on this role just the same.

9: You’re flexible and open-minded.

Here’s an inevitable truth: You’re going to disagree.

Strong women come along with strong opinions, and there’s no guarantee that all of them will match up with yours.

That means that you — and also her — need to find a middle ground, which will require both of you to be flexible and open minded in your viewpoints.

I don’t mean sacrificing your values.

I don’t mean betraying your identity.

I don’t mean morally compromising yourself.

I mean being able to discuss, entertain new ideas, and compromise.

10: You have a great sense of humor.

Strong doesn’t always have to mean serious.

In fact, it often means being able to handle challenges with a positive and lighthearted attitude.

This requires a strong and healthy sense of humor to be applied at appropriate times.

Levity can bring some relief to series situations and help couples navigate rough terrain together. Life is serious enough as it is, there’s no need to make it any worse.

11: You are fully, genuinely, and authentically YOU.

You don’t need to be the perfect man to make her happy, you just need to be the man you said you were when you met her.