When we’re in a committed relationship, we all know what we want our significant other to do for us — the things that make us feel appreciated.

Hearing him say, “I love you,” is probably one of the first things that springs to mind for most women. Many of us are eagerly anticipating hearing those three unique words from the individual we’ve invested in. We want to be loved, and we want him to tell us so we don’t have to guess.

Among all, it stands to reason that if a woman wants to show that particular guy in her life how much she cares for him, she would do for him what she wants him to do for her. As soon as a woman begins to feel close to a man, she is likely to tell him, unequivocally, that he is the man for her and that he has her heart.

However, rather of making him feel loved and treasured and bringing him closer, this frequently leads a guy to withdraw and become distant. This occurs because, although these demonstrations of love may be what she wants from him, they are not always what he desires or requires from her. Instead, it makes him feel unduly constricted and limited before he’s ready.

When this occurs, women are typically afraid and attempt to entice him back, generally by offering him more of what they believe men desire. We attempt everything we can think of to show him how much we care, thinking he’ll understand we’re the ideal lady for him.

We aim to make ourselves as appealing as possible. We make him supper to demonstrate how well we can care for him. We may even go shopping for him or take care of other things for him to demonstrate how loving we are.

These are all excellent things to do in a happy, healthy, and committed relationship that has progressed beyond the stage when he wants to withdraw. But they aren’t the things that will entice him to make the commitment in the first place.

What causes a guy to feel loved?

Most males wish women would do more to display their affection. Unfortunately, many of those things do not come readily to the majority of us. But it’s the long-term connections that will make him want to be yours forever.

If you can master just a few of the things on this list, your relationship will flourish.

Here are four essential methods to make a guy feel loved.

1. Men want to be able to keep their feeling of independence and feel good about it.

This is one of the key reasons guys withdraw when they sense the relationship is becoming more serious. It’s almost as though he’s testing you subconsciously. The good news is that when this occurs, you may feel fantastic knowing you’re advancing to the next level of the relationship — if you pass the exam.

It occurs because he feels he is losing himself in the connection. He wants to know that he is still himself, and that he can do some of the things he used to do when he was single and on his own.

Yes, it might be frightening since it implies that you must trust him. This might be challenging, particularly if you’ve had boyfriends in the past who have cheated on you.

When he begins to draw away in this manner, you may be tempted to tighten your hold and never let him out of your sight. Perhaps you start snooping through his phone or reading his e-mail while he isn’t looking. All of these are symptoms of distrust, and they will drive him away even more.

As long as he hasn’t given you any cause to doubt him (and really, if he has, why are you still hanging around? ), you may let him off the leash and allow him some alone time.

Men need cave time as well as guy time. They need to spend time with their friends. Give him the space he craves, guilt-free, and his love for you will only grow stronger.

2. Men, too, want you to keep your feeling of independence.

This is the inverse of number one above — he wants to know you can manage yourself while he’s alone. If you break down while he’s off doing his own thing, or if you simply sit at home waiting for him to come home, phone, or text you, he’ll feel the strain.

Even if you don’t openly criticize him, he’ll feel that you’re simply waiting for him to come back to you, and he’ll feel restricted and suffocated.

He needs to know you’re OK on your own and have a life outside from the relationship. He wants to know you’re responsible for your own happiness. This relieves him of the strain and reduces the tension in the relationship, all of which makes him desire you more.

It’s similar to the ancient saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

And, truly, in order to be in a good relationship, you must first have a healthy connection with yourself, so this is a win-win situation in any case.

Take advantage of the next time he’s out exercising his freedom by doing something for yourself that you like. Then he’ll understand that your happiness isn’t dependent on what he’s doing (or not doing).

When you get back together, he’ll be excited to hear all about your exploits, and although he may not know it, he’ll be attracted to you on a much deeper level.

3. Men want the lady in their lives to understand her value.

This is a difficult one for many of us, particularly when we fall prey to the desire for external approval. We want our partner to validate us, to make us feel like we have value and worth. But the trouble is that it doesn’t function that way. It’s really something you should bring to a relationship.

You demonstrate this to him by informing him that you have standards and will not be a doormat. He may put you to the test without even realizing it. If he thinks you’re letting him walk all over him, he’ll lose interest in you and think you’re too weak to stand up for yourself.

If, on the other hand, you demonstrate to him via your words and actions that you have high standards for yourself, he will see you as having great worth and value as a person. And that’s the type of lady he wants to be with for the rest of his life.

4. Men want to be kept guessing.

This relates to the distinctions between men and women. Women want their partner to elevate them, confess their everlasting love for them, appreciate their very essence, and declare that they are the only woman they would ever love.

Most guys will lose interest if you do this to them. Yes, guys like a meaningful praise now and then, and they appreciate knowing you’re thinking about and caring about them, but preserve that playful distance so he knows he may lose you at any moment.

He must believe that there are lots of other guys out there who would take you in a heartbeat if he is not cautious.

This isn’t supposed to be a jealousy thing, so proceed with caution. You must believe that you are more than worthy, that you are highly attractive, and that he is fortunate to have you. He also has to understand that he must continue to win you over in order to maintain your lovely heart.

If you have this mentality, it will show in everything you say and do, and the result will be him continuing to pursue you. What’s more, guess what? This is precisely what he wants.

If you can master these four things, you’ll be well on your way to winning his heart for good. He’ll identify you as the treasure — a reward worth winning time and over.