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It’s Dangerous To Welcome A New Partner When You’ve Not Forgiven Your Ex – Counsellor Adofoli.

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It's Dangerous To Welcome A New Partner When You've Not Forgiven Your Ex - Counsellor Adofoli. 1

Moving on might sound so easy but it’s one of the most difficult things to do. It starts with accepting how things ended even if that’s not what you wanted or prayed for. Life is not as cruel as we think especially when we don’t get what we want. Sometimes life is generous, it takes away what we want but gives us what we need. The fact that we want it does not mean we need it.

Sadly, we don’t understand how life works so we tend to hold on to what we have to let go, even if it’s killing us. And one of the very things we hold on to is the hurt, the pain, the loss, making it hard to forgive the people behind it.

Maybe its hard to let go because it was the only thing that made us smile, maybe its hard to let go because it was the only thing we had given our all to. Whichever way you find yourself, you need to appreciate life and take what life throws back at us and make the best out of it.

When relationships come to an end, no matter how hard you try to fight to hold on or make it work, or no matter how much you are hurt, remember life continues. And to be able to go on with life, you need PEACE.

Peace at heart, will enable you live and be able to love; peace of mind will enable you to think well, make better decisions and choices. Forgiveness is one thing that gives us peace. When we don’t forgive, we rob ourselves of the peace we need.

We end up with war inside us, we are constantly fighting with ourselves and people around us, we have no place for love and find it hard to embrace the love people show us. Our actions cause others pain because we live in pain. We have no place for smiles.

We might seem to be so strong on the outside but are weak inside. We are afraid of opening up our lives to others because we presume they will hurt us. And when we get into relationships without forgiving our Ex, we keep playing back the past memories instead of creating new ones with our new partner.

We bleed on the new partner because we didn’t heal from the hurt and use them as pain killers or shield. We tend to depend on our partner for our happiness because we are not happy inside. We become frustrated when our partner is not able to make us happy.

Being in a relationship is like giving a piece of yourself to someone else. Before you get into a relationship, ask yourself if you are happy with you. You have to be happy with you before you give yourself to someone else.

If you have not forgiven your Ex and still hold on to the pain and the hurt, you won’t be able to forgive your next. If you are sad and bitter, that is what you give to your partner. If you are angry, that is what you give to your partner. You get angry at the least thing or even without provocation because you have war inside you.

You need to know that your marriage or relationship is as good as yourself. If your relationship is going to be good, you have to be good. If your relationship is going to be a blessing, you have to be a blessing.

Forgiving your Ex does not mean you have agreed to be in a relationship with them again or allow them to get back into your life or be friends with them again. Forgiving is to set yourself free from the pain, to heal yourself, move on and enjoy the new you and your next relationship.

Forgiving your Ex is not justifying their actions towards you or their behaviour but justifying the fact that you deserve better. Forgiving them does not make you a weaker person. It makes you stronger and better.

In conclusion, “If you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, your Father in heaven will forgive you. 15 But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” – Matthew 6:14-15 (CEV).

 

Counselor Adofoli

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