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Why Sex Before Marriage?(Pt 2).



Why Sex Before Marriage?(Pt 2). 1

To begin with, just like women, the curiosity of men and guys and their insatiable quest to always conjecture beyond sighting of a personality of the opposite sex, getting to know what she is made of, are so strong, irrespective of status.

Men predominantly are moved by sight. Immediately a male homosapien spots a female of his choice and taste, his tongue starts wagging, mind wandering and figuring what and how her inside out is made of.

The “behind the cloak” episode starts to read at the back of his mind. With least giving opportunity, he will go all out to examine what is hidden behind the cloak, irrespective of religious and cultural barriers.

As a result of hormonal differences and dysfunctions which is proportional, every female’s behavior against the opposite sex differs from each other. I elaborated in one of my publications that LUST is not an evil thing in its originality. Lust for the opposite sex is a creation of God for the purposes of inextricable clinging to each other (Gen 2:22-23)(

In male female love making and romanticization, the sex organs comes into play in climaxing whatever is being entertained.

Though the female organ takes center stage, the male organ attracts some focus because 70% of the physical act of sexual intimacy depended on it.

Inspite of that, the curiosity and anxiety of man to explore into the anatomy of a woman to know more about their hormonal reaction is the normal tendency that drives some men to pressure for sex before marriage.

The following are some major thoughts:

  1. What is inside there?
  2. How does she react to sex?
  3. How good is she bedmatically?
  4. Is she hygienically tact?




Naturally and biologically, God’s creation is unique in some perspective. The female genital organ (the vagina) has its unique beauty. The vulva or labia majora, is simply the lips or outer covering of the entrance into  the vagina walls.

By the architectural masterpiece of God, he designed every female with their physiques uniquely. The vulva which gives extraordinary beauty to the vagina is crafted in a special manner, making everyone differing from each other.

Subject to hormonal disparities, some females had their vulva shaped in a masculine manner with sometimes the clit totally hidden or protruding.

Gender wise, there are sections of women whose hormonal function are both male and female in nature. The common hormones produced in man is androgen, and females estrogen.

Man produce hormones in the testes whilst women produce theirs in the ovaries. Biologically, men produces testosterone exclusively, but some amount of it is required in women to help in the growth of their natural system, maintenance and repairs of their reproductive tissues, bone mass and human behavior.

Meanwhile the excess of testosterone (male hormones) in the blood of a female can cause the followings;

  1. Excess body hairs, especially facial hairs.
  2. Enlarged clitoris.
  3. Decreased breast size.
  4. Deepening of voice.
  5. Increase muscle mass.
  6. Low libido.
  7. Change in mood.


The above negative radiances are largely caused by imbalance of androgen hormones in some women.

Estrogen and Progesterone are also exclusively produced by women, but imbalance of excess male hormones results in some of them becoming hermaphrodite – possessing male and female organs simultaneously.

With Christian ethics (can’t clarify Islamists aspect), being a barrier, Christians are barred from having sexual Intercourse until marriage is blessed officially, but albeit that, the preoccupation of the thought of some men to get to know or have a glimpse of the precious jewel hidden behind the cloak becomes psychological and a myth that must be broken.

FGM (female genital mutilation) is also a hidden factor that drives some men to want to see the animal in the bag before paying for it.

In the local parlance, we say, “ntoma Kata adieso” literally meaning “there is something under the cloak” that must certainly be unveiled.

The clit of the woman is the powerhouse of stimulation and in some cultures, it is removed with the pretext of curtailing the lust of women against adultery or fornication.

This is a total TURN OFF for men. It is our SAFE HAVEN.



The reaction to sex, or advances of the male organ toward the female organ is driven by hormonal strength. Interest in sex or libido largely fluctuates according to age variation.

Between puberty -13 to 16 years, heading toward adolescent stages – 17 to 18 into adulthood of 22 to 30 years range, sexual drive supposed to be very high.

If therefore at these stages, a male or female becomes hostile to sexual intimacy, or in other words, experiences low libido, it raises a red flag.

The last option is to see the doctor for remedy. Sex drive changes in age cycle, diminishing whilst one ages toward menopause.

The category of those who don’t attain menopause early (at least 50 years) could still enjoy sex effectively beyond 55 years.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorders (HSDD) is  normal with aging women but lifestyle changes and sexual techniques can salvage the situation.



Sexual excitement is undoubtedly a complimentary game. It isn’t a one sided affair. Techniques in marital sex must be  exploited fully to its maximum level to enhance deeper connectivity to each other.

Sexual Intercourse between spouses must move from the level of “give and take” into the level of “give me I give you” reciprocity.

A lot of Christian married women shy away from exhibiting the very techniques they used to woo their men whilst in the wilderness, or bringing to bear in their current “legalized” relationships.

And adversely, married men who becomes infidel is the result of their women’s uncooperative attitude toward sexual ecstasy.

Nonetheless, there could be genuine reasons such as stress from work, maltreatment, verbal and physical abuse, dishonesty etc.

Uncooperative sexual attitude from wives doesn’t arise out of nothing. There could be some hidden factors beyond the eyes such as spiritual marriage, rape, pain during sex, low libido or low self esteem and confidence and so on.

With Christian marriages, it is expected to be blessed by parents of bride first, and then (if a registered church member), divine certification by a Reverend Minister, in fulfillment of biblical requirements, before sex is allowed amongst the two (Gen. 1:28/24:45-54, 58).

The expectations to know either party’s sexual prowess cannot be identified just in a single act because it can be feigned. That’s why Bible advocated that once it is blessed and certified, the way is cleared permanently for couples to do whatever they wished to do to entertain themselves. And henceforth, nothing is hidden. The real person would certainly be disclosed.



Climatically, the powerful race of the sun in this part of the tropics produce excessive heat, and the heat leads to high perspiration (sweats) wherever we find ourselves.

Once you sweat, the possibility of developing a bad body odour all over is a certainty, either male or female. Apart from the body emitting sweats, men’s armpit and the underparts of the testes produce unhealthy smells.

Women on the other hand has additional functions that leads them into multiple emissions namely urines, whites, menstrual blood, and sweats. Owing to women having more discharges than men, it leaves them in a necessity to be abreast with natural and enhanced way of curtailing the odours.

Within 15 to 20 minutes on the scorching sun, one may certainly perspire leading to the development of body odour.

In conclusion to body odours, there is a general odour with every male and female.

On the part of female scent, it is naturally so because of how the vagina is crafted. It is a tube or canal leading into the uterus and  therefore, warrants constant cleansing with clean water.

No woman is an exception. It takes extraordinary care and frequent showering to neutralizing the scent.

Apart from sweats, vaginal discharges are undoubtedly a healthy part of vaginal health. The type of vaginal discharges one may experience changes during the menstrual cycle, but in most cases, it is a sign that everything is working well. More to the point, vaginal discharge can mean your vagina is healthy.

However from time to time, white discharges may be a sign of an underlying problem. A thick white milky discharge can occur during ones menstrual cycle. This discharge is known as LEUKORRHEA, and it is completely normal.

In the first days of menstrual cycle, one may experience thin, milky white vaginal discharge.  Some people described this discharges as an egg white consistency.

This thinner discharge is a sign that one is preparing for ovulation which is normal in women.

Ironically, when the discharge changes color from white into greyish and strong in fishy odour, then bacteria had set in there.

A fungus popularly called “Candida Albicans” occurs when yeast infection which normally strives on bacteria is incurred.

In Africa, especially Ghana, traditional medical practitioners see white discharges in women as a misnomer, but paradoxically, it is only when it changed color and scented that one is required to see the doctor.

As women, these are normal experiences that corresponds with the development of their body into full womanhood. What is required further is to be able to respond judiciously to it in the maintenance of healthiness of the private part and the entire body as a whole The quality control of oneself against acquisition of STD (sexually transmitted disease ) and other relative blood infections.

Quality control of oneself, being able to take good care of oneself hygienically is a plus for marital preparedness.

In a nutshell, the curiosity of men to know what they are acquiring, bearing in mind of a tangible product that once bought, it is not returnable, puts them in a psychological mood to want to know the exact image of the product and how it looked like, its durability and probability to last across the life cycle before acquiring it.

Ethically, it is God who instituted marriage and commanded that man and woman be “legally” bound together before sexual intercourse takes place therefore, the curiosity in the minds of would be spouses can be allayed when we are sincere to each other.

A woman is a woman, being active sexually is another matter that can be dealt with socially, medically, morally and spiritually, but the assurance is that it is not the utmost prerequisite for sound marriage life.

The ability for spouses or whoever, to learn fast on the job depends on the conditioning of the minds and heart of both partners.

Past experiences that are healthy can be brought to bear to maximize the soundness of the relationship.

Sammy Ladzekpo.

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