It’s toxic and wrong.
We’ve all been there. Those times when we bring our A-game and work so hard to make sure our partner stay interested. When we’re young and in new relationships, it’s understandable that you want to make things work, so we put in as much effort as possible.
But the older we get, the more mature our thinking needs to be. At some point, we have to stop working so hard for love, and follow relationship advice that focuses on boosting our self-esteem.
So, if you’re fighting really hard for something that seems so one-sided, you’re being taken advantage of and are in a toxic relationship.
Now, nobody is sitting here telling you that you should give up on somebody. However, if you’ve noticed that you are trying extra hard and receiving close to nothing in return, except for a broken heart and a crushed ego, please take note.
You are the one that is trying way too hard in the relationship, and you should either reevaluate the relationship itself (is this really a two-way street?), or simply take three steps back.
So if you’re wondering whether or not you’re being taken advantage of, here are 8 signs that you’re trying too hard to make things work.
1. You’re always the one making plans.
If you’re constantly the one to hit them up and initiate seeing each other, stop. The drill for this is to stop, sit back and do nothing.
If he/she doesn’t seem to initiate any plans or text you first after, take it upon yourself to assume one of two things: Either the whole relationship was in your head and they’re actually just your friend, or they treat you like absolute crap.
2. You never venture off on your own.
No matter how serious you may be with this person, it’s not cute to be revolving your activities and daily routine around them 24/7. Again, no matter how serious you are, it is a major turn-off to your partner to see you follow them around like a lost puppy.
You have to find your own life and your own friends, You still are the person you’ve always been before you met them, so why would you compromise yourself for someone who isn’t guaranteed to stay?
At the rate you’re going, it looks like they will most certainly not stay anyway.
3. You constantly make excuses for your partner.
So, you’re telling me that the person you’re with is perfect and always needs to be defended? Basically, you refuse to see the truth and want to blind yourself from the very clear flaws of what they’re doing.
If you were confident in the relationship you were in, you’d have no problem communicating with them and/or venting. The more you defend them, the more we are all twitching around you waiting for you to see reality for what it is.
4. You compromise on the things you want.
Basically, it’s all about them. Even your “wants” aren’t your own. They’re manipulated and molded to fit the wants of your (obviously) controlling, narcissistic partner.
For instance, if you used to love binge watching The Bachelor and stopped because you know your partner hates it, that’s a major issue.
5. You wear makeup to sleep and prep before they wake up.
No one just “wakes up like this.” If you pull a Kristin Wiig in Bridesmaids or Rose Weissman from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and fix yourself up in the morning before your partner wakes up, you are trying too hard.
The person you’re with should know you and not care whether you sleep naked, smelly or with a big ol’ bun on top of your head.
6. You’re afraid of confrontation.
You are a strong person, no matter who you are or where you came from. You need to love yourself and be confident enough to fight with your partner and stand up for what you believe in.
If you are afraid to do this, your relationship has some serious things you both need to work on. FYI, the more you try to appease them by dodging confrontation, the angrier (or more resentful) you both are getting.
7. You find yourself waiting around.
Whether you physically wait for them to come back from wherever the went, or you are constantly suppressing your emotions (that are eating away at you, by the way) in hopes that they will become different somehow in the morning, what you’re doing isn’t working.
You really are worth it, and you deserve the same respect from your partner in return. So keep that in mind.
8. You make dinner every single night.
Nobody said you can’t take turns or be nice and have your hubby come home to a nice, home-cooked meal every so often. But every night?
Listen, if that’s your arrangement and none of the other points prior to this one apply to you, all the power to you. But don’t you work or do important things during the day that make you tired, too? They should be as accommodating to you as you are to them.
If this isn’t happening, it’s time to re-assess what you are getting in this relationship. Because you deserve great things too.
By: Brittany Berke