CAN MY PARENTS’ MARRIAGE AFFECT MY MARRIAGE? The foundation of our marriage is often built on how our parents conduct their marriage. Children learn from whoever they get contact with, for a longer period. Therefore as we live with our parent, we tend to copy whatever they do and whatever they tell us; whether it is good or bad, fact or myth. The following aspects of our parent life can have influence on whether or not we will be able to marry and to the end:
1. Heart break (broken-heart):
Heart break or broken-heart as we call it, happens to both singles and married people. When someone who happens to be your parent got deceived in a painful way during courtship that led to marrying another person, that pain could be transferred to you. He or she can habour some bitterness that becomes part of his or her life, if not counselled well and might naturally transfer to the child(ren) and or use as an advice to his or her child(ren). On the other hand, married person could face serious challenges that might lead to divorce and heart break. The children of such person might be involved in the whole act and inculcate the pains their mother or father has gone through and decide never to marry in their life. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.
2. Sense of Responsibility:
Marriage is full of responsibilities; each spouse has a role to play in making the marriage work and fruitful. There are instances where one or both partners tend to be irresponsible in the discharge of their marital duties. For instance; a husband who fails to provide for the family and a wife who fails to keep the house in order, will often cause their children to inhabit this behaviour and become irresponsible as well. When these children marry, it is likely they will be irresponsible in their marriage and cause the marriage to wreck and might not be able to marry again. This can be prevented or corrected when children from such marriage are properly counselled.
3. Assault or Violence:Some people are very violent in the sense that they do not recognize their enemy and their loved one. The least provocation leads to a violent act that can range from hitting, booting, slapping, shooting, or even murder. This has been their way of life. Others may be violent with their choice of words; not thinking about the effects of the kind of violent words used on their spouse and or children. When a child from a violent parent is not well counselled and he or she marries,
the violent or assault attitude will be transferred to their marriage also. This might cause his or her spouse to divorce or get him or her arrested for his or her action; as he or she can destroy valuable properties and lives. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.
4. Lifestyle:
When we talk of lifestyle, we are talking about a person’s way of life and manners. This ranges from disrespectful, unsupportive, alcoholism, smoking, womanizing, and many more. These are habits that are naturally acquired by children if they are part of their parents’ life. Some people are habitually disrespectful, lazy and unsupportive not because it’s natural but were acquired from their parent. These lifestyle could go a long way to affect the children’s marriage life negatively that; he or she will find it difficult to marry or may not be able to marry to the end of life.
5. Autocracy:
A person who is autocratic always like to dictate for people to follow. Whatever that person says or does; be it good or bad, the other person must accept and act accordingly. In a marriage, one of the partner may be a dictator; when it happens like this, the other partner often suffers emotionally as he or she is ordered around like a slave or child. If children comes into this kind of marriage, some of them will copy the lifestyle of the dictator. These children if not well counselled, might send it to their relationships that can cause break in so many relationships. If they are able to marry, they will either hurt their partner or wreck the marriage.
In conclusion, parents’ marriage life can have a serious negative consequences on the marriage life of their children. We therefore advise married couples to set good examples in their marriage for their children to follow. When they have differences to settle, they should do it at the blind side of the children and shouldn’t involve the children in the marital disputes. Doing this will help the children learn about marriage, the right way and have a better marriage. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.
By: Counsellor Benjamin Effah Werehene
