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Essence of the word l love you

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Continuing from the previous chapter, Dr Neel Burton, an authority on romantic ecstasies made us to understand the fundamental functions of love in 7 scenarios which were substantially an eye opener.

These are……..

  1. Eros
  2. Philia
  3. Storge
  4. Agape
  5. Ludus
  6. Pragma
  7. Philautia

 

When asked to define LOVE in one word, several researchers and pundits found it extremely difficult to narrow it down to that level because it is a mystery.

Some alluded it to simple emotional feelings one has for a specific person of the opposite sex.

Some asserts that it is a psychological  response to the connection between the souls of the opposite sex which climaxed in the natural realm.

Others say it is the utmost understanding of the specific person of the opposite sex, who she is, what she does, her likes and dislikes, her persona and demeanor.

Love is indeed a mystery as defined by Plato and Aristotle, who were considered as the fathers of romantic ecstasies in ancient times. If I am asked to make a choice as to the explanations given by the connoisseurs, I may end up building on someone’s intellectual discretion, but careful observation and analysis of the rudiments of love, I would conclude that love is an enigma.

Love is arguably an enigma in the sense that what could probably turn somebody on, in respect to someone out there could innocuously be repulsive to somebody else.

Moreover, getting to understand somebody or something is like getting to the root of any relationship, irrespective of the person involved.  Getting to understand the reasons behind whatever the person believed and practice, and his or her cultural antecedence to those beliefs is an added impetus to admiring or appreciating the person from the distance.

One significant thing that we must bear in mind is that, before anyone gathers the courage to say “I love you”, be careful not to follow your lustful emotions which are red herrings. Dig deep and get to know and understand the person from inside out before taking a decision.

Continuing from AGAPE where we left off, we learnt that it is exceptionally an unconditional love offered to anyone without any conditionality. It is Godly and nothing comparable. Ludus is next.

 

  1. LUDUS:

Ludus is a playful thing or uncommitted love, otherwise known as platonic relationship.

It predominantly involves fun mate, having fun and amusements in a company of an admirer.

Closely acquainted colleagues could appear romantic to public spectacle but beyond that level, is restrictions of flirting, seducing and conjugating. The focus is on fun, casual and undemanding, uncomplicated but for all that, can be long lasting.

Ludus works best when both partners are well matured and self sufficient. Problems only arise when one mistakenly transcends the level of Ludus into the realm of Eros.

But interestingly, Ludus when applied with more decorous and civility, can translate into philia at its maturity stage, then ultimately getting into the citadel of eros without a word of LOVE being uttered verbally.

 

  1. PRAGMA:

Is also a kind of practical love founded on reasons or duty on one’s longer term interests. Sexual ecstasy takes a backstage at the expense of personal qualities and compatibilities, shared goals, and making it work.

In the days of arranged relationships and marriages, Pragma was very common. Although infassionate, it remained widespread, mostly ubiquitous with high-profiled personalities and celebrities, including politicians.

Relationships arranged on contractual basis are purely Pragma in function but many of them start off as Eros or Ludus and end up as various combination of storge and Pragma.

Meanwhile Ludus and Pragma are synonymous with each other in practice because they can coexist.

 

  1. PHILAUTIA:

Philautia is a self love which is diametrically paradox to the rest. Self love is outside the domain of our lessons so not much time will be wasted here. Meanwhile, it appeared both healthy and unhealthy in the sense that it is akin to hubris.

In ancient Greece, a person is considered to be hubris if he/she placed himself above the gods of the land, or like certain politicians, above the greater goods.

Philautia or Hubris as a self condescending love is extraneous to philia and Eros, because its underlying factor is an inflated sense of one’s status, abilities and accomplishments.

This is a spirit of haughtiness, snobbishness, and arrogance.

 

Beyond the above seven expressions of intellectual prospecting of love, there are several of such research from renowned researchers defining the characteristics of love in different form.

In plain language, notwithstanding the deep knowledge arising from reserches, one’s main determining factor or hidden intentions for declaring to love a specific person, either homogeneous or heterogeneous cannot be easily diagnosed spontaneously.

Subsequent actions and inactions emanating from the first approach could certainly reveal the prior intentions. In the advent of that, the specific love category that pulls up could be philia or storge which could later metamorphose into Eros.

It is strictly abstract, getting to know the hidden intentions of the opposite sex whilst making advances toward each other.  Substantially, most men and women needed stability in their relationship.

It is no gainsaying that, stability is the underlying factor that led every person to avail themselves for relationship. Moreover, individual conditionalities comes to play as to the respective choice and preferences to which they are being lured to.

No one can say “I love you” to someone without a cause. Saying “I love you” is always centered on philia and Eros, which is conditional.

Love affairs especially between human beings  is largely determined by their gender, to know and to identify the precept of their intentions and thoughts. Recent noises about bisexual emotional feelings are simply demonic and must be discarded with the speed it deserved.

On the part of women’s stability, which is also their main driving force, is dwelled on the family size to raise, systematic training to offer them, conducive matrimonial environment against her own security, is an utmost prerequisite to anything else.

Men always needed respect first, (and although reciprocal, it must be earned), then a woman full of Christlike spirit and understanding, knowing and to accept the status of her man as he is.

Arguably, the highest statement or goodnews ever pronounced to a woman of adult age is when a man gathers the courage to say “I love you” to her. It sounds like a dream come true.

It is one thing admiring someone from the distance without any advancement, and it is another, being audacious to say “I love you”.

Beyond the above precursors and careful observation of recent marriage landscapes, one may conclude that superficial love or conditional love is the fundamental purposes that drives probable spouses into relationship.

As defined by John Amodeo, mature love is where one reneges and turns away from swimming in our internal dialogue and usually keeping us stuck in a quagmire of preconceived ideas, opinions, and interpretations.

We always believed that conflict is another person’s fault. It is easier to consider what’s wrong with others than to turn the mirror to ourselves to examine our shortfalls.

And the third scenario is where we do an introspection of our mode of communication. Are we communicating well enough?

Are our inner feelings being conveyed properly?

Utterances of the word “I LOVE YOU” henceforth shouldn’t be just a rhetoric or for the lust of it but paradoxically, must be born out of philia first, then gradually being metamorphosed into Eros with the ultimate icing on the cake of an agape.

Conditional relationships and marriages are clandestinely becoming a nuisance because of recent incessant dissolution of (especially) Christian marriages both in the courts and the blind side of society.

Majority of Christians (by random sampling) enter into holy matrimony based upon love (not brewed by philia) erotism. Eros love is simply LUST and had no future or security.

Eros is conditional. When the cute figure that served as the magnetic force is lost through child birth, what happens next? The boobs and and the ass which was a public spectacle can give way in due cause when pressure was brought to bear.

I persistently lay more emphasis on this particular aspect because of contemporary results coming out of Christianized relationships. They are simply APPALLING!

The word “I love you” is not a word of HEART but rather, a word of HEAD.

The cash? The least said about it the better.

Not all that glitters is gold! Let a second consideration be given the word “I LOVE YOU” before ushering the green light.

 

Sammy Ladzekpo

adwoaadubianews. com.

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