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The Danger Of Cohabitation Pt. 2

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  1. Effects / Preventive Measures

Risk of marriage rites not performed:

When a woman cohabits, she upsurges the expenditure of the man and makes it difficult for the man to save up some money for the performance of the marriage rites. Although there are exceptional cases where the man may be well-off and won’t feel any effect on his money; it is not the case on the majority. The man’s light bill, water bill, feeding and other costs increases because he has to cater for the woman as long as they both live under the same roof. If you are in this situation and you don’t know why you can’t save money or money don’t stay on you, the cohabitation has caused this. It becomes worse when children starts coming in and the woman risks her right as a married woman. We therefore discourage cohabitation to save you from this situation. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

 

Neglect by family members and in-laws:

From the onset of cohabitation, some family members might advise their relative or both parties; if they fail to adhere to the advice, the family won’t continue talking about it. As for the in-laws, they will pretend they have no idea about what’s going on until something bad happens; that’s where they will show you that you can’t take them for granted and disrespect them by taking their “jewel” without their approval. The worst case is where one of the partner dies, you will have to perform the marriage rites and be charged before you will be allowed to bury her. On the part of the woman, the family of the deceased man won’t recognise or have anything to do with her; wealth acquired by both partners will be claimed by the man’s family becomes their union is not customarily or legally accepted.

 

High marital insecurity:

A man who can stay with a woman without performing her marital rites can do same to several women without any of them knowing that they have rivals. The worst is that, you might stay with the man for years without him performing your marriage rites but might marry another woman within months of meeting her and perform the marriage rites of that woman. You now become a “side chick” instead of the wife. The fact that you are staying in the same house with him does not mean he can’t deceive you. I know of a lady who was in similar situation and had a child with the man; the man went to marry another woman, brought her to the house and the lady was compelled to move out of the house after the married woman came in. The man told the wife that the woman needed a help and she lured him into sleeping with her and got pregnant; and that, he doesn’t have any feelings for her. I don’t think any woman want to go through this situation?

Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

 

Disrespect from within and outsiders:

If you engage in cohabitation, you lose respect from both your family and your partner’s family. You are perceived as a “gold digger”, a thief or a nobody. This is because, when you need something precious from someone, you do what is required to get that thing, you don’t just take it without the owner’s approval. Colleagues and friends of high reputation might not accord the respect they used to give you or might even disassociate themselves from you because you have destroy your reputation and ruin your integrity by engaging in cohabitation.

 

Maltreatment due to captivity:

The woman in cohabitation is not treated as a married woman is treated. She has reduced her value from a scale of 100 down to 0, because she couldn’t let the man see her value of performing the marriage rites before going to stay with him. Most men who gets such women don’t treat them well, they often maltreat them or treat them like house-helps or paupers. If you don’t want to be disrespected as a woman, please do not engage in cohabitation; if the man really loves you and want to spend the rest of his life with you, he should come home and perform your marriage rites before taking you to his house.

 

  1. Remedies / Solutions (Reverting Cohabitation)

Humbly talk to your partner about it:

If you are already cohabiting as a woman, humbly talk to your man; explain the implications to convince him have a change of mind to go perform the rites. It will do both of you more good than harm. The man in cohabitation after reading this article should make all effort to regularize the relationship by making the necessary arrangements to perform the marriage rites of the woman to save him from the uncertainty. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

 

Convince your partner to see a Counselor:

It might be that you have realized cohabitation isn’t a good thing to do but don’t know how revert the situation. It is the best time to see a Marriage Counsellor for guidance on the right step to take to revert the situation and regularize the relationship. The Marriage Counsellor is there to help you get out of this situation by outlining the necessary steps and procedures to go through in making sure that the right thing is done to relieve yourselves of the bad consequences of Cohabitation.

 

Seek the assistance of an Elderly married person:

Another option is to see the assistance of an elderly person; preferably, a family member make arrangement to see the lady’s family for peaceful settlement and performance of the customary rites. The person should be of good social standing and have a good marriage background. He or she should be outspoken in order to help you see the woman’s family for a way out. Exclusive to www.adwoaadubianews.com.

 

If there has not been any child and the man is refusing to see your family for the formal marriage process, leave the relationship:

This is the last resort; after talking it out with your partner, seeing a counsellor or an elderly person and your partner is still proving difficult to comprehend, it is advisable to quit the relationship whether or not a child has come in. If a child has come into the relationship, it is good to involve your family to talk things up, they can figure something out and save the situation than to quit and have a child out of the relationship without effective parenting. A man who refuses to regularize his marriage after discussing the consequences of cohabitation will never think to perform the marriage rites. If you are a woman and you find yourself in this situation; we recommend that you leave this kind of relationship.

 

By: Counsellor Benjamin Effah Werehene

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